Snake in a Bottle
by animefan021513
Summary: Not hearing from Crowley in what Aziraphale considers to be a while, he starts to get worried so he heads over to Crowley's. What happens when he finds a snake stuck in a wine bottle? What secrets will Crowley spill while incredibly drunk? (Bad at summaries, wrote this based off of a pinterest pic I saw of Crowley as a snake stuck in a bottle. Couldn't help myself!)


I hadn't seen or heard from Crowley since after we dined at the Ritz and drank at my Bookshop. Normally I wouldn't be bothered by it, but we DID just survive the Apoca-was-supposed-to. One would think he would spend more time. Now granted, that was yesterday, but now it was almost eight in the evening and still nothing. I wanted to chalk it down to him taking another nap, but that wouldn't be right either. I could understand celebrating by one's self, because frankly, I did the same thing just a few hours ago when I realized I would no longer be burdened by surprise visits from Gabriel and...Ugh...Sandalphon. I'd rather watch The Sound of Music than carry on a conversation with him.

After some debate I tried to ring him, but all I kept getting was his voicemail recording thing. With that, I grabbed my coat and made my way to his flat. Once there, however, I found that there was music playing. He finally told me yesterday that all those songs I had listened to in his car was actually a band called Queen, and their song "You're my Best Friend" was playing, or rather, it just started as soon as I walked in. "Crowley? Are you in here, Crowley?" I walked further in and realized...it had been a little over five years since I've gone past his living area. When we discussed the body swap ordeal we had done so in the living area, and I had practiced all night while Crowley went back to my book shop looking like me. Either way, I continued to where his ego feeding throne would be and was horrified by what I saw on the floor. A rumpled full body suit laying flat on the floor in water stains and the energy it gave off was distinctly demonic. "CROWLEY! You better be in here somewhere or someone help me I will chase you to the void and smite you myself for your stupidity if this pile of rags is you!" I heard a bottle rolling across the floor and out from behind the desk. I looked at it and noticed something strange about it. There was a tail coming out of it. _'No...surely he didn't...' _I walked over to the squirming tail and bottle of wine, picked them both up, and separated them, carefully placing the bottle on Crowley's desk. The snake wrapped itself around my arm as it grew bigger and bigger. _'Yup...he somehow did. He drank himself INTO the bottle!' _Once the snake was wrapped comfortably and warmly around my stomach and over my shoulders, I let out a heavy sigh. "You're lucky you're practically weightless like this."

"Heyyyyyyyyy, Angelllllll! Ya knows...yous mah Besssssssss frieeeeeend! "

"And you're drunk." I chuckled as I rolled my eyes. "I thought that pile of rags was you."

"Nope. Didn't ya ssssssssssay that yous paid attentions to mah tray- trus- punishment thingy? I killed a dampen...no...I killed a dumpling...NO certainly NOT! Dumplinsssss are tasssssty...erm...bad guy. I killed a baddy guy with Holy water. Never liked the other demonssss ya know."

"No..." I admitted with a risen brow. It must've been ancient wine if he's being truthful and honest with himself. I walked over to his bedroom and sat on his bed with him still wrapped around me in snake form. "...I didn't know. Why don't you like them?"

"Becausssssse...they don't remember. None of them do."

"Don't remember what?" I asked curiously. It's been Six thousand years...there's likely a great deal they don't remember that Crowley might.

"I dunno how they could forgetssssss! I remembersssss...but that'sssss 'cause I made a tradesssss. I would fall in sssomeone elssssse'ssss ssssteed...no...sssstudy...no...in ssssomeone'sss placccce. He wasssss alwayssss rebelliousssss and he had jusssst assss many quessstions assss me and Luccci. Oh! Shhh..." Crowley flicked his tale up to my mouth making a 'don't talk' gesture and it was all I could do to not bat it away, but he was talking about his past and I wasn't going to miss out on it. "...He don't likesss it when people callssss him that. Anyway...he wasssssa century and a half younger than me...the angel I sssaauntered vaguely downward for. He never did like all the rulessss but he followed every lassst one. Good Angel. He wassss one of mah besssst sssstudents ya know."

"I wasn't aware you taught anything. What did you do?" I tilted my head, completely intrigued at this point. Crowley had not only truly willingly fell, but he did so in another angels place, which meant he asked God and God delivered. Then, to make matters more interesting, Crowley was a teacher in Heaven, which would make him one of the first thousand. They were high ranking angels.

"The Trade wassss fair. Don't worry. I'd do it againssss...anywayssss. Teaching...was my job. All the Archangelsssss had to train their factionsssss. I taught them healing, miraclesss, trickssss, and a few other stuffsssss."

"Wait, back up! Are you saying that you were an Archangel?"

He slithered down from me, moved to his nightstand and opened a book. Once he found a page he apparently liked, he used his tail to point at it. "I'll givesss you hintssssies. I helped God build that."

With a furrowed brow I got up and moved to the book and nearly fell over when I saw the Nebula he was pointing at. "B-B-But...the angel that helped with that...was..."

"Raphael." He hisses out what I assumed was a sigh before he slithered up and around me. "That be me. Everyone thinkssss me dead, and I'm happy that way...but...I remember. I remember what the demonssss couldn't. I remember HER. I remember Her warmth, Her light, Her embrace, and Her laugh. We started time together. We created the Universe together. She then created the other Archangels and after that the other angels. Ya know..." He hummed joyfully while my brain was going into information overload. "...she ssssstill givesssss me light and love. Sssshe doesn't answer me...but I feel her...Oh...that's not true...I dream...when I dream...we talk. It'sssss not normal dreamsssss. We ACTUALLY talkssss. Ssssshe jusssst won't tell me her Plansssss or anything about the futuressss. That'ssss fair though."

"Wh-What happened yo your s-student?" I questioned, trying not to faint from pure shock, because I could FEEL the honesty and love coming off of him. Everything he was saying was completely truthful and he DOES still live God.

"Oh...the little bugger grew up to ssstill be trouble, but becaussse if my ssssacrificccce...God promissssed me that NO MATTER WHAT he did after that...NO MATTER WHAT SSSSSINSSSS he would do...He would NEVER EVER fall. He wasssss allowed to be human, and ironically enough...he gave hissss flaming sssword away to the firssst hooters...no...humming...no...sssmart fleshy thingiessss with short life sssspan. Adam and Eve."

My whole body went still as I process everything he was telling me. "Wait...so _you're_ Raphael?" I asked as I turned to look at his head that was looking at me as it was held above my shoulder. He nodded. "A-And I was your best student?" Another nod. "And you...you sacrifices being an ARCHANGEL for me?" Another nod. "WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME!?" At that, Crowley lost all his grip on me as his eyes widened, and he fell to the floor in a noodley pile of snake.

"Aaaaaand _I'M_ SOBER NOW!" He quickly turned into his normal form and was wearing a black T-shirt and black jeans, staring at me in disbelief. "Did you just curse, Angel?"

"I-I believe I did, but still...why didn't you tell me?"

"Right...let me...someone who was CONSTANTLY surrounded by demons every day...tell you...someone who was CONSTANTLY surrounded by Angels all day...'Oh, hi, Aziraphale. I don't think ai remembered to mention that I'm the Archangel Raphael or I was, and I fell because I didn't think you deserved to fall, and that's why you're ALLOWED to experience sins with no repercussions of falling.' Yeah, how about I go and say that."

"O-Okay." I nodded. "Fair point. So um...could I hear some of my past through your eyes?" I couldn't help it. I was curious and Heaven must've wiped my memory away of him, because I remember Gabriel teaching me and though I wasn't his least incompetent I wasn't the greatest either.

"Don't see why not. Care for some wine?"

"As long as I don't have to pull you out again." We both laughed and I got to hear just how much of a trouble maker I was. Yes...after leaving Heaven and Hell...things would certainly be more interesting, but the most interesting would have to be...rather than a message in a bottle...a snake, instead.


End file.
